Per My Last Email..." (Your Guide to Office Email Warfare) 📥

I was enjoying my morning coffee when my inbox pinged with what can only be described as the most passive-aggressive email I've ever received in my professional career.

The subject line was innocuous enough: "Just a gentle reminder..."

But there was nothing gentle about what followed. It was the email equivalent of someone smiling sweetly while sliding a dagger between your ribs.

"Per my last email, I just wanted to circle back on this urgent request. As previously discussed in our team meeting, this deliverable was expected yesterday. I'm sure you're very busy with other priorities, but please advise on when we might expect this? Thanks in advance for your prompt attention to this matter!"

I nearly spat out my coffee. This wasn't just a reminder – it was a masterclass in passive-aggressive communication, carefully crafted to make me feel utterly incompetent whilst maintaining plausible deniability.

And it got me thinking: how many of us send or receive these types of messages daily without fully acknowledging the psychological warfare that's actually taking place?

So, I present to you my definitive guide to decoding those passive-aggressive email phrases we've all encountered (and perhaps used ourselves when feeling particularly spicy).

The Passive-Aggressive Phrasebook: What They're REALLY Saying

1. "Per my last email..."
Translation: I already told you this, you lazy idiot. Learn to read. I'm keeping receipts.

2. "As previously discussed..."
Translation: You clearly weren't paying attention in that meeting where you were more interested in charging your phone than engaging with the actual content.

3. "Just following up..."
Translation: Why are you ghosting me? Do your damn job. I shouldn't have to chase you like you're a toddler avoiding bedtime.

4. "I'm sure you're very busy, but..."
Translation: Whatever you're doing can't possibly be more important than my request. Drop everything now.

5. "Please advise..."
Translation: Fix this mess you created. I'm documenting your incompetence for your next performance review.

6. "Going forward..."
Translation: Never do this again, or I'll escalate this faster than your career is falling. Consider yourself warned.

7. "Correct me if I'm wrong..."
Translation: I know I'm right, and I'm setting you up to look stupid when you disagree. This is a trap, not an invitation for dialogue.

8. "Thanks in advance..."
Translation: I'm not asking - I'm telling. And you better do it. Your compliance is assumed.

9. "Hope this helps!"
Translation: I've wasted precious minutes explaining something painfully obvious. Try not to be so dense next time.

The Power Move: How to Respond

When you receive one of these passive-aggressive missiles, your immediate reaction might be to respond in kind – or perhaps to draft a scathing reply that would make Shakespeare's insults seem tame by comparison.

But here's the real power move: responding with radical professionalism. The sender has chosen violence, just with perfect punctuation and corporate-approved phrasing.

Here's how to disarm the passive-aggressive emailer:

1. Reply with facts only - Strip away emotion and stick to the information. "The report was submitted on Tuesday at 3pm to the shared drive as requested."

2. Keep responses short - Concise replies give less material for the passive-aggressive person to work with. Don't get drawn into lengthy justifications.

3. Document everything - Forward key emails to yourself or save them in a folder. If things escalate, you'll have a paper trail.

4. Kill them with genuine kindness - Nothing disarms passive-aggression like authentic professionalism. "Thank you for your patience while I prioritised this task. I appreciate your follow-up."

5. Don't respond immediately - Take a beat. Responding in the heat of the moment often leads to regrettable exchanges.

Remember, how you respond to these emails says more about your professionalism than the original message says about the sender's.

And if all else fails, remember that sometimes the most powerful response is to pick up the phone. It's amazing how quickly passive-aggressive tendencies dissolve when faced with actual human conversation.

Keep on rockin',

Harvey