How to Win Over Difficult Colleagues 🏆

The thick Italian accent bellows across the London office...

"Ara-vi", this sample size-a is-a small-a than people attending a nightclub-a! Signore, no!"

Not satisfied with disturbing the peace, it seemed essential that this person's personal point of view, an attempt at visible authority stamping, and defence of their 'alternative truth' would lead to my ridicule.

Never mind that I am 100% correct and could document my way out of any logical argument, especially this one. Calm and collected, I ensured the relevant people had the relevant facts.

The very public 'nightclub comment' went down in company folklore.

Our resident Italian, John Travolta, never quite got off the dance floor on this.

Still, the facts did not discourage him from campaigning his point further and higher up, making life unnecessarily uncomfortable for yours truly.

Dealing with difficult colleagues is a common workplace challenge.

A challenge you are already familiar with, or I guarantee, throughout your career, you will be.

Here are 30 years of my hands-on experience and learning summarised into six actionable tips for winning over difficult colleagues:

1. Start with Empathy

Understanding a colleague's perspective is the first step in resolving conflicts. Empathy involves actively listening to understand their concerns, motivations, and feelings. When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to be cooperative.

How to Action:

• Actively listen and paraphrase their concerns.

• Use phrases like "I see where you're coming from" to show understanding.

• Ask open-ended questions to explore their viewpoint.

2. Maintain Professional Boundaries

While empathy is key, setting clear boundaries is crucial to protecting your professional space and well-being. Boundaries help prevent you from being drawn into unnecessary conflicts or negativity.

How to Action:

• Politely redirect negative conversations towards solutions.

• Decide which conflicts are worth addressing and which to ignore.

• Use phrases like "Let's focus on solutions" to maintain a constructive environment.

3. Provide Feedback and Recognition

Constructive feedback can transform challenging relationships. Many difficult colleagues feel unseen or undervalued; recognising their efforts can shift this dynamic.

How to Action:

• Offer balanced feedback: praise strengths and suggest improvements.

• Use specific examples to make feedback actionable.

• Give informal recognition, such as a simple "Great job," to boost morale.

4. Find Common Ground

Identify shared goals or interests to build rapport. Focusing on what unites rather than what divides can change the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative.

How to Action:

• Highlight shared objectives in projects or goals.

• Use phrases like "Let's pool our strengths" to promote teamwork.

• Find personal commonalities (e.g., hobbies) to strengthen bonds.

5. Influence Through Inclusion

People resist when they feel excluded. Involving difficult colleagues in discussions and decision-making can foster a sense of ownership and cooperation.

How to Action:

• Ask for their input on projects to show their opinions are valued.

• Engage them in problem-solving to build collaborative momentum.

• Leverage their expertise to validate their contributions.

6. Lead by Example

Set a positive tone through your actions. Demonstrate the behaviours you wish to see in others—respect, patience, and a collaborative spirit.

How to Action:

• Listen actively, acknowledge contributions, and stay calm under pressure.

• Focus on issues, not personalities, when conflicts arise.

• Use conflict as an opportunity to model constructive behaviour.

Winning over difficult colleagues is about changing your approach to interactions.

Because you are unlikely to change the other person.

These approaches can turn any challenging relationship into a productive collaboration and practical, positive work environment.

You deserve to be respected and allowed to do your best work without all the disco-drama.🕺🏻

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