Don’t Open Another ‘Per My Last Email’ Without This Guide 📨

Decode 9 common email phrases and outsmart polished put-downs

Author

Harvey Lee
January 19, 2025

Last Tuesday, I received what can only be described as a masterclass in passive-aggressive email writing.

The subject line read: "Just a gentle reminder about those reports..." followed by enough ellipses to make Charles Dickens jealous.

As I sat there, sipping my now-cold coffee and staring at my screen like it had just insulted my mother, I realised something profound: passive-aggressive emails have become their own language.

A dialect, if you will, of corporate warfare conducted with perfect grammar and razor-sharp punctuation.

In my 30+ years in business, from touring with rock bands to launching Xbox at Microsoft, I've seen my fair share of these linguistic hand grenades.

But here's the thing - understanding them is your first line of defence.

Let's decode these missiles of malcontent, shall we?

The Classic Offenders and Their Real Meanings:

  1. "Per my last email..." Translation: I can't believe I have to repeat myself. Again. Did you even read what I sent, or were you too busy watching cat videos?

  2. "As previously discussed..." Translation: We both know we talked about this, and we both know you've done absolutely nothing about it.

  3. "Just following up..." Translation: I've been waiting longer than a vegetarian at a BBQ restaurant, and my patience is wearing thinner than the office toilet paper.

  4. "I'm sure you're very busy, but..." Translation: Whatever you're doing can't possibly be more important than my request, even if you're currently performing emergency surgery.

The Advanced Weaponry:

  1. "Please advise..." Translation: Fix this mess you've created. I'm documenting everything for your performance review.

  2. "Going forward..." Translation: If you ever do this again, I'll have you reassigned to our Antarctic office.

  3. "Correct me if I'm wrong..." Translation: I dare you to disagree with me. I double dare you.

  4. "Thanks in advance..." Translation: This isn't a request - it's a politely worded demand.

  5. "Hope this helps!" Translation: I can't believe I had to explain something so blindingly obvious.

But here's where it gets interesting.

The real power doesn't lie in crafting these emails - it's how you respond to them.

The Art of Disarmament:

  1. The Facts-Only Response: When someone sends you a passive-aggressive tome, respond with just the facts. No emotion, no passive-aggression in return. Just pure, undiluted information. It's like bringing a calculator to a knife fight.

  2. The Kill-Them-With-Kindness Strategy: Respond with such genuine warmth and professionalism that they feel bad about their tone. It's the email equivalent of offering someone a cup of tea right after they've shouted at you.

  3. The Documentation Gambit: Save everything - every email, every interaction. Think of yourself as the corporate equivalent of a dash cam - always recording, just in case.

  4. The Brevity Defence: Keep your responses short and sweet. The shorter your reply, the less ammunition you give them for their next attack.

Key Takeaways for Professional Survival:

  1. Always maintain the high ground. Responding with passive aggression only escalates the situation.

  2. Document everything. Your inbox is your alibi.

  3. When in doubt, pick up the phone. Sometimes, a 5-minute call can prevent a week-long email war.

  4. Remember: the person writing that passive-aggressive email might be having the worst day of their life. A little empathy goes a long way.

  5. If all else fails, remember this: the best revenge is massive success. And proper email etiquette.

Keep on rockin'!

Harvey

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